Knowledge is power. With knowledge, you can govern your actions and better control your environment. That’s why you read The Business Owner. But no matter how much you read, the amount of information you take in is dwarfed by the amount you get by talking with people. So what’s the key to maximizing knowledge you gain from interactions with others? Ask a lot of good questions.
Good questions are powerful. They uncover facts, put you in control, provoke thought and convey points. But nobody wants to be interrogated. So the skilled conversationalist simply fills casual conversation with questions that show keen interest in what the other person has to say.
Nearly all the problems people have come from foolish statements. Questions, on the other hand, are pretty darn safe. They allow you to gather information. Questions have no downside.
Ever assume you knew where someone stood and ended up making a fool of yourself? If you want to be a better conversationalist and also keep your “boot out of the bucket,” spend more time asking questions and less time making statements.
In our society, most people talk but few listen. Studies show that many people who talk a lot do so in an effort to appear “smart” and/or cover up their insecurity or ignorance. But studies also show that people tend to perceive those who ask a lot of questions as more intelligent.
If you’re addressing an issue or problem, continually refine your questions until you understand both the big picture and any personal issues that bear on its resolution. The key is to remain objective and focused so you can get to the heart of the issue or root of the problem.
Resist pressure to offer swift comment or judgment. Yes, our culture lacks patience and generally desires the excitement of hardened positions and controversial statements, but you don’t have to give ‘em what they want. After all, it’s not always in your best interest. If you are not ready or willing to share your thoughts, don’t. Leaving others to wonder puts you in a position of power that has little downside.
When using questions to gain knowledge and control, have some poise and patience. Rapid-fire questions won’t do. Use a conversational approach. Questions provoke thought and emotion, and can take a few moments for the recipient to digest. Pace your questions so people have time to ponder and provide well-thought-out responses.
Though you may not be able to tell if someone is lying or is just insecure, you will know when you’ve triggered an emotion if the person you are questioning:
- Widens or narrows his eyes or looks away
- Talks softer or louder
- Breathes faster or slower
- Folds his arms tightly or gestures openly
- Turns his body away or toward you
Some people will give you more information than you want, or talk about things unrelated to the issue at hand. Take control by saying, “I understand, but for the moment can we focus on this issue?” If they continue to skirt the issue and you’re engaged in more than a casual conversation, you can say, “Hey, if I’m going to really understand, I need you to give me a precise answer to this question.”
Questions are universally accepted as an absolute key to effective communication. Their highest and best use is to check progress and mutual understanding during, and at the end of, a conversation.
Do you want to show people respect AND understanding? Check and recheck by inquiring. You’ll quickly become a master communicator and enjoy stronger relationships and fewer conflicts.
As a business owner, you’re in a position of power. People care about – and want to control – what you think. People act in funny ways around you. You get all kinds of information that’s slanted, skewed, carved up and hollowed out. Your job is to uncover the truth. The tool you use is probing questions.
Questions may be the most powerful force in the universe, at least in our earthly universe. Consider harnessing the power of questions. Talk a lot less and query a lot more. Stop trying to be the know-it-all.
Legendary business researcher, author and strategist Peter Drucker says, “My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.” You can make it your strength, too.
This piece was inspired by and adapted from an article by James Dawson, managing partner of ADI Performance.
This article originally appeared in The Business Owner Journal, the periodical of choice for owners of small and midsize private businesses. All rights reserved, D.L. Perkins LLC. © 2012.
This publication is intended to provide general information on the subject matters covered. It is sold and distributed with the understanding that neither the publisher nor any distributor or advertiser is engaged in providing legal, tax, insurance, investment or other professional advice. The advice of a qualified professional should be sought before any reader applies a concept presented herein to his or her particular situation or business.
D.L. Perkins, LLC is solely responsible for this content.
