Constructive criticism in the workplace can be explosive. We say things we don’t mean or recipients hear more than was meant. Minor suggestions detonate before our eyes. But skillful communication can make these situations far less volatile.
Respect: The Guiding Principle
Good communication starts with respect or “esteem,” as experts say. Great communicators make the recipients of their communication feel they are valuable. Explosions result when we fail to show esteem in all its elements: value, honor and respect.
Here are some explosion-proof tactics to interpersonal success:
1: Stop and Take Personal Inventory
1st-century leader St. James wrote that we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. He explains that selfish desires cause quarrels. The first thing we must do is look into our own heart. You may find that the issue is within you, not your adversary.
2: Forgive
Sometimes we act as though the world revolves around us.
Try to change your orientation and choose to forgive. It’s a healthy and liberating choice, in effect releasing your foe from owing you anything. It is not easy. It’s a decision of will, not feeling. Feelings come and go. Forgiveness is rational, shows humility and projects value and esteem.
3: Listen
King Solomon wrote that speaking before listening is a man’s folly and shame. We make Solomon look even wiser by confronting before listening.
The next time you’re ready to deliver a double-barreled shot at someone, take a moment to discover the other side of the story. Ask open-ended questions, IN PRIVATE. Never forget, God gave us two ears and only one mouth and we should use them in this ratio.
4: Focus on the Behavior, Not the Person
Instead of saying, “Jim, you’re a liar,” say, “Jim, you have been lying to me.” Rephrasing this may sound trite, but there’s a big difference. Then lay out the facts: “Jim, you said that you completed the Seymore job last Friday, but it’s still in the shop.” Keep in mind that you still should be addressing the person warmly – it’s the behavior that’s being addressed harshly, not the person.
5: Never When You’re Angry
If there’s one skill that will keep you out of the interpersonal communication ditch, it’s: “Don’t communicate when you’re angry.” Wait till anger has subsided and you’ll have a lot more success.
By becoming less self-centered and following a few simple tactics, we can manage encounters in a way that minimizes risk of explosion.
Chris Zervas is a communications consultant for various corporate clients. You can reach him at Chris@summitsolutiongroup.com
This article originally appeared in The Business Owner Journal, the periodical of choice for owners of small and midsize private businesses. All rights reserved, D.L. Perkins LLC. © 2012.
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